Understanding Trauma: The Four Kinds of Trauma

The Impact of Childhood Trauma

Every day, I meet individuals who have endured significant trauma. Often, this trauma stems from childhood experiences, including emotional, sexual, or physical abuse. However, there is also a fourth type of trauma that is equally harmful: neglect. While I plan to explore neglect in a future post, let's focus on how all four kinds of trauma—emotional, sexual, physical, and neglect—share a common outcome: they teach us a pervasive LIE.

This lie is powerful. It's often challenging to dislodge from our thoughts and behaviors. It operates at an unconscious level. This means you might act as if you believe it, even when you consciously know you don't. Additionally, these beliefs can provoke intense emotions such as fear and sadness. Sound strange? It isn’t. Unconscious beliefs influence nearly every action we take. A belief serves as a prediction, and our brains excel at making predictions. Emotions drive us to act—whether to attack, flee, or seek companionship. These instinctive reactions are deeply rooted in our evolution. Emotional beliefs can profoundly influence our inner lives, often overpowering our conscious understanding.

Emotional Beliefs Can Override Reason

Consider this: if you come to believe that spiders are inherently dangerous, your reaction might be panic upon seeing one, even if you know the specific spider is harmless, like a granddaddy longlegs. In such instances, knowledge doesn’t eliminate fear. Our emotional beliefs are too strong for rationality alone to overcome. We require more substantial interventions to address them.

Why does this occur? Emotional beliefs have roots in our evolutionary past. They are defensive mechanisms designed to protect us, built over millions of years. Those who did not develop such responses have long since perished. Thus, these deeply ingrained emotional beliefs can dominate our lives, causing considerable distress. Often, at the heart of depression lies the belief that happiness is unattainable, that no efforts will lead to success, or that opportunities are nonexistent. These thoughts may sound absurd but can be challenging to overcome when rooted in the unconscious.

The Lie that Trauma Teaches You

What lessons do the four types of trauma impart? Primarily, trauma teaches us one critical thing: we don't matter. As children, we absorb countless beliefs, most of which are unconscious. This process is necessary to navigate our world. Our emotional systems—shaped by evolution—rely on these beliefs to assess dangers and opportunities. If we grow up believing the world is threatening and that we cannot trust others, our emotional responses will be on high alert.

When caregivers let us down, we internalize the belief that we are insignificant to others. This belief causes immense emotional pain because humans are inherently social creatures. Throughout history, those who cared about others' perceptions survived, as group cooperation is essential for survival. Being ostracized from a group dramatically decreases one’s survival chances, resulting in a deep-seated obsession with others' opinions.

Consequently, when caregivers fail to meet our needs, we often allow others to treat us poorly. We may berate ourselves over trivial mistakes, prioritize others' needs to our own detriment, or cling to relationships with those who mistreat us. We believe that without these connections, we risk the threat of social exclusion, which, in our evolutionary past, could mean death. Unfortunately, we carry this belief throughout our lives. Changing it is possible, but it rarely occurs easily and often requires substantial inner work.

Maladaptive Attempts to Heal

In response to this deeply felt lie, individuals often react in various ways. Feelings of insignificance can be unbearable. Some may resort to narcissistic defense mechanisms, declaring, "I matter the most!" This is essentially an ego-fantasy meant to shield the damaged self. A more extreme manifestation can lead to antisocial behavior or a lack of empathy. If the world feels so dangerous, some choose to respond with aggression rather than vulnerability.

Others might express their pain through rage, an overwhelming need for control, or through various addictions. These maladaptive coping strategies aim to counteract the pain caused by the belief that we are unimportant.

Fantasy Representation of Trauma in Fiction

In storytelling, we rarely encounter characters who merely suffer under the weight of the belief that "you don't matter." Instead, we see characters attempting to fix their trauma through maladaptive behaviors. Often, these individuals become villains, but not always. Take Batman, for instance. He endured the traumatic loss of his parents and responded by committing himself to fight injustice alone. This reaction is extreme but makes him a captivating character.

Superman also embodies this struggle. After losing his entire civilization, he takes on the burden of the world in an attempt to correct this loss. Much like Batman, he channels his trauma into a relentless pursuit of justice. This motif of transforming trauma isn't new. Characters like Beowulf show similar arcs, where they confront their past to prove their worth.

Contemporary novels, like Abercrombie's First Law trilogy, provide further depictions of characters grappling with trauma in disturbing ways. Glokta, who suffers immense pain as an adult, inflicts suffering on others as a misguided coping mechanism.

Healthy Healing Strategies

The good news is that unconscious emotional beliefs have the potential to evolve. We can revise our beliefs as we grow. Early beliefs may shape us significantly, but the ongoing journey of personal understanding allows for change. However, transforming these beliefs requires more than mere acknowledgment of their irrationality. This often proves ineffective.

To alter these ingrained beliefs, we must have transformative experiences that counter past traumas. Psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, spiritual awakenings, or meaningful connections with caring individuals can facilitate this change. Ultimately, addressing the unconscious belief directly is essential. Engaging on a human, emotional level is necessary for change. Simply discussing these beliefs in abstract terms won't convince the deep-rooted emotional centers of our mind.

This process is symbolized in many fantasy narratives, where the hero confronts their monsters. This universal theme emphasizes that individuals must tackle their internal beliefs head-on. The task requires hard introspection and uncomfortable reflection.

After all, if our foundational beliefs changed easily, we would risk becoming incredibly malleable. Striking a balance in our beliefs is important for personal development and emotional health.

Until next time,

EG